Losing Voice

This year has been a doozy in many ways. I experienced a heightening of new neurological symptoms that terrified me. Tremors, dizziness, nerve pain, racing heart, and monthly (sometimes weekly) fever/flu “episodes” where my body would reach over 101 temps with body aches, chills, nausea that lasted over a year. (Thank you Bartonella, a Lyme co-infection).

I have never experienced a more raw fear than I did this past year. When you feel completely out of control of your body and can no longer trust it will do basic functions, fear is a natural by-product.

COVID was actually a blessing in disguise in some ways as I had fewer obligations and activities to participate in, thus allowing me to be at home to manage symptoms. As I wrote in my previous blog, I found that I had 4 cavitations (infections in my jaw bone from where my wisdom teeth were removed) and began ozone therapy to heal those infected sites. I won’t know until September if those sites were fully healed, but I do believe the neurological symptoms have lessened since getting ozone, which I’m praying continues to stay that way.

Both Paul and I acquired COVID this spring, and it hit us pretty hard. In fact, I still can’t really taste much, which is such an odd sensation. For whatever reason, the virus seemed to linger in my throat, specifically where my vocal cords reside. There has been a “heaviness” in the throat area, and I have felt it not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

This may seem weird what I’m about to say, but I’m in the weird field of natural health, so hang with me 😊

Often times when there is a physical ailment in the throat area, it can be a representation of losing your voice in the world you live in. Feelings that no one hears you, your voice doesn’t matter. I just made the connection recently that I’ve been deeply feeling that on an internal level.

We have lived through over a year of very polarizing views. Masks, no masks? Biden or Trump? Black Lives Matter, Cops, Vaccinations, no Vaccinations? “I’m right, and you’re just stupid.”

I have felt trapped. If I do or don’t say anything, there are repercussions. I’ve had firsthand experience with reaching out to others personally and essentially been cut off. The tight aching feeling I currently have in my throat is literally how I have felt this past year.

I often see both sides of the coin, however, there seems to be no space for the middle ground. I have felt the pressure to pick one side or the other when in reality, I can resonate with both.

So what is the seemingly easier option? Stay silent. Don’t speak because you don’t know what you’re talking about. Your opinion doesn’t matter. Your words will only cause someone pain.

However, that is a specific tactic of the enemy. And I’m not talking about the enemy that’s on the other side of Facebook, but the enemy that lurks around to “steal, kill, and destroy.”

God has placed me, he has placed all of you, for a specific purpose and there is an enemy who doesn’t want that purpose to be lived out. Funny that my voice, which I feel God has specifically gifted me in, is the place where I have felt attacked physically and spiritually.

I know I can’t be the only one who has felt this heaviness. Can we create a space for people to share how they are feeling without immediately criticizing them? We are so quick as a culture to judge, and I know I can fall into that category too, so I’m speaking to myself here as well. But we need each other. We need differing opinions. We need to have all of our voices be heard. It’s a funny thing that when you actually sit down face to face with someone and ask them why they feel the way they feel, they actually may have a reason for their thoughts based on their history, occupation, family experience, etc.

Ultimately, I know God is calling me to be a vessel of hope and healing to others, and my prayer is that we as a “body” can encourage one another as we are all broken people needing healing.

10 thoughts on “Losing Voice

  1. So very true! We need to fill each other up! We give and give and give, depleting ourselves to help others. It’s ok to refill ourselves. God encourages and demands it!
    I, too, have felt I’ve lost my voice, succumbing to physical ailments. First one thing, then another. So very frustrating! Why? Where are you God?
    He is here! He is with us through every pain, every ailment, every frustration.
    God bless you. May you feel His presence, His healing, His peace. ❤️

  2. I hear you. You put into words what I have been feeling for the last few years. I’m with you, often in that middle ground, that gray space. Let’s give each other Grace☺️🙏🏼

  3. I so understand, Brooke! Should I be bold as the scriptures instruct me, or should I kill ‘em with kindness ? I find sweetness without standing tall doesn’t really fit with my personality! So, I find myself feeling guilty when I speak my mind concerning what I’m convicted of. I know we all struggle with todays’ issues. God knows our hearts . Your health concerns are on my daily prayer list! You are sooo loved here in Willmar, you & Paul are our spiritual leaders, but more…you are accepted as family❤️❤️. Love you guys!!🥲

  4. You articulate the struggle so beautifully. I have observed many tactics that the enemy has used to “divide” people. Divide nations, divide churches, divide families. If we stay divided we can not come TOGETHER to worship, forgive and love. They are not new tactics just repackaged in each generation. On the journey with you Brooke to listen to the heart of others, learn and grow in my heart and love with the unconditional love of Christ!

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