Life with Faith

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post, and I have felt the nudge to share an update on how I’ve been doing post-Faith’s birth.

Many of you have prayed for healing in my body, specifically after I had Faith (thank you for your unending prayers for us)! We prayed that something would shift significantly in my body and that the process of pregnancy and birth would be the linchpin to experiencing full and deep healing. I wish I could say that I feel completely better and healed, but unfortunately, the symptoms have started to creep back in and more recently have become more intense. It appears that Lyme and “friends” have decided to resurface, and it has brought a lot of emotions with it.

I do feel as though I had a bit of a break from the normal symptoms while pregnant and actually felt my best right after Faith was born. However, the neurological symptoms started to reappear (dizziness, inward tremors, twitches, heart racing, weird eye light flashing, etc).

If I’m completely honest, I have been deeply disappointed that I’m still dealing with these symptoms. I really thought that the Lord would bring about full healing through pregnancy, and at times I feel betrayed and silly for believing that.

However, my practitioner who has worked closely with me during this journey, believes this is just a blip on the radar, and that it won’t be like this forever. Pregnancy and breastfeeding can be stressors on the body, and she said it is common for a reappearance of Lyme to happen when dealing with those stressors. I keep holding on to hope that God has promised me full healing. “Faith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see.”-Hebrews 11:1

The other day, I was watching as Faith was struggling on her tummy (trying to build her strength so she can crawl, walk, etc). I was thinking it would be so much easier (in the short run) to pick her up and not let her struggle, yet I knew that if she didn’t build those muscles, she would never know how to crawl or walk, or do things that are essential for her to live life more freely. I thought about my own journey and how I have felt like I’m swimming on my belly, yelling for God to just “pick me up!” I started to realize that sometimes it’s for our own good that we struggle to develop certain “muscles” because it will make us stronger for what is to come. Could it be that our struggle is not in vain? That something good will come out of it? “We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”-Romans 5:3

Even though I wish my current physical status was different, I can’t help but reflect on the ways God has tangibly shown up to me through this pregnancy and birth. There have been physical signs of his love imprinted on my body and on Faith, and I wanted to share those here as a reminder that even though things may not be how we expected, God promises to be with us through it.

I know this may be weird to share, but this cross appeared over my belly when I was pregnant with Faith. Typically there is only one line that appears from the navel down during pregnancy, called a Linea line. I showed my doctor that I had 2 lines going both ways in the shape of a cross, and she said she never had really seen that before. She then said, “Jesus is protecting that little baby.”

A few months after Faith was born, I was looking down at her hands and saw the veins in her hand looked like the shape of a cross. It wasn’t a perfectly shaped cross, but a cross nonetheless. I tried to see if my veins had the same shape in my hand, but I didn’t have the same marking. Another reminder that Jesus has her covered.

Many of you know I study irises (Iridology) and how the structure and colors represented in an iris can show what someone is genetically prone to via the optic nerve and its connection to the spinal cord and the rest of the body. Faith has 4 significant markings in her right iris that are also in a shape of a cross. The right iris is typically more representative of your father’s side. I love that these markings are in her right iris as that is another reminder that her heavenly father has claimed his love over her. (I didn’t share a photo since it’s hard to identify the markings if you haven’t studied them).

When I question if God is with me in this, I look at Faith and see his love written all over her. I still pray and long for that day when I will experience freedom in my physical symptoms (I always appreciate your prayers). However, I am grateful he’s given us this precious little life to get a small glimpse into his love for me.